I’m absolutely furious with Verizon right now. I have never before experienced anything close to the intense rage that I’m feeling right now. I’m actually kind of frightened at my capacity for pure hatred.
I had purchased two iPhones from Apple, no SIM cards, and wanted to activate them via eSIM. The “activate or switch device” tool on Verizon’s site didn’t work, so, at 3:15 p.m., I started an online chat with customer service so they could help me activate the phones.
The first rep told me it was impossible to do this without a SIM card. I told her that this was not actually the case because both devices were eSIM compatible. Partway through the chat, she disappeared and was replaced with a new person, who asked me to repeat all of the information I had given the previous rep.
This happened six more times. Every 45 to 90 minutes, the rep who was helping me would vanish and a new one would appear, starting the process from scratch. It was like trying to have a conversation with the guy from “Memento.”
I had to remain on the chat continuously, because if I remained idle for even a few minutes the chat would time out and I would have to begin the whole process again.
By 9:00 p.m., the reps had managed to install two or three different lines on each of the phones, including one from a Georgia area code (I live in Massachusetts).
A little before 10:00 p.m. my nose started spontaneously bleeding.
Around 11:00 p.m. I was finally forwarded to tech support, who had me factory reset both phones and start over. The phones were finally activated a little before midnight.
Imagine walking into a Starbucks, ordering a cup of coffee, and watching six baristas in a row proceed to set the entire place on fire. That’s what it was like.
The next day, I asked four different Verizon reps why it took so long just to activate two phones. Nobody could give me an answer other than “sometimes activating phones takes time.” They told me that they did not see any errors in the process, that nobody did anything wrong.
They said hat the most they could do to compensate me for the ordeal was to waive the two activation fees.
That’s right: Apparently Verizon expects me to accept being put through through this nightmare…as long as they don’t make me to pay for it.
Verizon, you have made an enemy for life. I swear by the blood of my ancestors that I will hound you to the depths of Hades if need be, and that I will never, ever, ever, ever let this drop.