Before I tell you about myself, I just want to make one thing clear. I don't know who u are, I don't know what u want. If u are looking for a ransom, I can tell u I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills that I have acquired over the course of watching Chuck Norris in Walker, Texas Ranger, skills that make me a nightmare for people like u.
Ok, now that that is cleared up, my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
More about me:
· Sir Brian once slammed a revolving door.
· The boogeyman checks his closet every night to make sure Sir Brian isn't there.
· Sir Brian doesn't own a watch. He decides what time it is.
· Sir Brian can divide by 0.
· If you want a list of Sir Brian's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
· Sir Brian is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
· Sir Brian can kill two stones with one bird.
· Sir Brian doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
· Sir Brian doesn't sleep, he waits.
· Sir Brian can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
· Sir Brian CAN believe it's not butter.
· Sir Brian always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
· It takes Sir Brian 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
· If at first you don't succeed, you're not Sir Brian.
· When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Sir Brian.
· In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Sir Brian.
· Everybody loves Raymond. Except Sir Brian.
· Sir Brian eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
· Sir Brian qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
· Sir Brian sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
· Sir Brian can speak Braille.
· Sir Brian can strangle you with a cordless phone.
· Sir Brian once punched a man in the soul.
· The only time that Sir Brian was wrong was when he thought that he had made a mistake.
· Sir Brian never used pick-up lines, he simply says, "Now."
· Sir Brian can tie his shoe laces with his feet.
· Bullets dodge Sir Brian.
. There is no 'ctrl' button on Sir Brian's computer. Sir Brian is always in control.
Apple pays Sir Brian 99 cents every time he listens to a song from Itunes
Sir Brian can sneeze with his eyes open.
Sir Brian is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Sir Brian destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Tom Brady can throw a football over 50 yards. Sir Brian can throw Tom Brady even further.