To be clear, right off the bat, this isn't an issue with installing updates - the phone cannot even CHECK for updates.
I cannot check for updates over the air, either when connected to my home WiFi or my 4G data connection. This produces an error telling me to check my network(s) for connectivity issues. Both are fine. So I try to install the Software Upgrade Assistant.
Except I can't, because the phone auto-mounts as a MTP device when I plug it into the USB slot of my home computer (Windows 10 64-bit), rather than as an installer (and changing the option on the phone's drop down menu does nothing to remedy that). So, just download the software from Asus, you say?
Great. Except the link to the Software Upgrade Assistant from your site to Asus's site is for an entirely different device (a tablet) and, after I run that executable file, I get a version of the Software Upgrade Assistant that notifies me it isn't compatible with my phone.
Man, I just got this phone (new) from you guys on Thursday (09/07/2017) and exactly a week later, it looks like it may already be busted. I'm not very happy.
I've been told by support to go to the nearest VZW store as soon as possible, but I won't be able to do that right away as I have guests in from out of town. Are there any other solutions I need to look into other than "Please replace this broken phone"?